Top ten signs you may be Orthodox:

• On Wednesdays and Fridays you eat Japanese food.
• You’re used to skipping breakfast on Sundays.
• You can automatically subtract 13 days from today’s date.
• On your first encounter with long words, you pronounce them stressing the ‘next to the next to last’ syllable.
• You wonder why the Pope crosses himself backwards when you see him on TV.
• You wear comfortable shoes to church, because you know you’ll be standing a long, long time.
• To you, a ‘topless’ gal is one without a headscarf.
• You get great deals on Christmas trees and Easter candy.
• You spend time figuring out the best way to remove smoke stains from your ceiling.
• When you see a shopping-mall Santa, your first instinct is to hold out your hands to get his blessing.